Natural Family Planning
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The progression of the marriage into having children is something that comes naturally for most married couples. Husband and wife share the journey toward responsible parenthood and reflect on how to integrate God's plan into their lives as spouses; how to strive for unity as they become parents.
The majority of people understand the definition of family as having children, they do not consider a couple to be a family, but in actuality a couple becomes a family at marriage. The married couple reinforces the foundation of their newly formed family by being close to God and the Church. They also strengthen it by adopting or forming their own unique traditions, family values and rituals so that if and when children arrive, they have already prepared a solid foundation.
Bringing new life into the world can be one of the most fulfilling occasions in the life of husband and wife, however, parenthood brings with it many joys but also many struggles. When a baby comes into the family this addition will undoubtedly bring changes in roles, from husband/wife to father/mother, and it brings about fears or doubts the spouses have about the new roles. Questions about discipline, child care, whether one parent will leave his/her job in order to raise the child, etc. will surface.
Children may put restraints in the couple’s relationship (e.g. loss of spontaneous actions, lack of sleep, added-on chores, looking for babysitters, etc.) Seeing children as God's gifts motivates us to adjust to these constraints and inconveniences, perceiving them as new responsibilities that come with being co-creators with God in the birth of new life. Our love for children gives us another taste of God's love for us. In having children we experience the dying to self in many ways, but this dying to self brings the joy of a growing family. As Catholics, we are called to be the first evangelizers of our children and bring them up according to the Church’s teachings. Parenting is a shared experience of the spouses and it creates an opportunity for growth; becoming closer to each other as they become closer to God.
Couples need to keep in mind that spouses still need couple time and need to nurture their marriage, therefore, plan ahead to manage your time properly.
Being married in the Catholic Church involves openness to life and a willingness, if possible, to produce children as the supreme gift of marriage. Spouses freely pledge to God and each other to be faithful forever. The total giving of husband and wife is designed to bring new life into the world. Married love is free, total, faithful, and fruitful.
However, contrary to popular opinion or myth, the Church does not teach that every married couple must have as many children as possible. Church teaching never has put a specific number on the amount of children a couple “must” have as if to reduce the miraculous gift of childbearing to a quota that is to be reached by the couple.
Quite the contrary, the Church recognizes that there are many challenges involved in the creation and education of children. Perhaps the most significant decision ever made by married couples involves the question of children. Couples grapple with the essential decision of when to have children and how many they hope to have. Responsible parenthood and mature decisions in regard to the size of a family are a necessity in marriage. Couples must be generous in seeking to give the gift of life, but they must also prayerfully decide when to space the birth of children.
Many times, widespread misconceptions about Church teaching stand in the way of couples learning and living the beauty of what the Catholic Faith actually does believe about family planning and the incredible gift of new life. It is important to be very clear about what the Church teaches and why.
First, it must be understood that sexual love between a husband and wife is a profound good. It is a gift from God through which a man and a woman become one, sharing love and giving themselves completely to one another. By God’s design, it is in this manner that new life is created. This is no accident. If new life is created through the exclusive and wonderful expression of love between a man and a woman, then this means that each new life—each child—is the embodiment of that love. Each human person is an expression of love.
Sexual expression between husband and wife has two inseparable parts; first it unites the man and woman in an expression of love and through this love, new life is created. This twofold meaning of sexual expression, the unitive and procreative aspects of sex, is the natural, God-given meaning of sexual expression. As human beings, we cannot directly alter God’s plan for married love.
For two thousand years the Church has taught, based on Scripture, Tradition and rational reflection on Natural Law, that we cannot reduce God’s gift of sexual love to solely a means of achieving or giving pleasure.
The obvious question then becomes: If we cannot alter God’s design for sexual love and being life giving, how is it possible to space the birth of children and reasonably limit the size of the family?
If the spouses want children, but now is not the appropriate time, they want to select a method of birth regulation where the responsibility is shared, one that is open to God's plan.
Family planning in Christian marriage is a process of sensitively balancing the value of being open to new life with the need to be responsible parents. The Church invites us to do this by working with the wife’s natural fertility. The spacing of births can be done by the use of natural means that take advantage of the wife’s natural cycle of fertile and infertile periods. This natural means of spacing births is called Natural Family Planning (NFP).
The Church promotes NFP as an ideal way of living out the commitment of marriage because it preserves the two purposes of the sexual union, unitive and procreative. It is the best way for husband and wife to cooperate and participate in God's plan and at the same time ensuring that their marriage will benefit and grow from this experience because the task of planning a family falls on both spouses and the responsibility is shared. Both husband and wife give of themselves totally to each other, not holding anything back –including their fertility. NFP nurtures a spirit of love and fosters intimacy, closeness, and deep reciprocal respect encouraging the couple to find other ways to show affection
Couples who are willing to periodically abstain from sexual contact if they are not looking to have children for the time being, view each other not as sexual objects, but from the inside out, as unique persons created by God to be loved. Each cycle becomes an opportunity for romance and renewal, like having a honeymoon each month. Practicing NFP helps each spouse to think first of the good of the other. Children who grow up in a family environment like this, learn how to love others and God because they see a strong, loving relationship between their parents. When Natural Family Planning is practiced by the couple in a spirit of love and generosity, their mutual love – and their love for their children – becomes a witness of God’s love for us all.
Some of the positive influences of practicing NFP are:
1. Respecting God’s plan for marriage
2. Growth in communication and a greater openness in the relationship
3. Shared responsibility in the planning of the family
4. Knowledge about the woman's body and its influence on moods and sex drive, fertility, etc.
5. Learning to adjust to patterns of sexual activity
6. Deeper intimacy
7. New, creative ways to show affection
NFP is also very helpful in achieving pregnancy. Some couples facing difficulty in conceiving have used NFP to detect with precision when the wife is ovulating and been able to achieve pregnancy. Charting the woman’s signs of fertility can also be helpful in detecting other related health issues in order to prevent miscarriages and other reproductive issues.
One common misconception is that NFP is synonymous with the “rhythm method.” This is not the case. NFP is an umbrella term for a variety of effective, natural means of spacing births. The rhythm method, once recommended years ago, is outdated and was often found to be ineffective. NFP, when used properly, is equally as effective as artificial means of birth control.
As Catholics, we are called to embrace the gift of sexual love in its entirety, and to be open to the gift of new life. We are called to be people of joy and hope, embracing life. In the Sacrament of Marriage, the husband and wife are called to give themselves to each other entirely and always in their lives and to reiterate this complete openness and total giving in the gift of sexual love. If conception is impossible, tenderness and acceptance by both are vital. Be open to considering alternatives to become fruitful such as adoption, foster care, or community involvement.